Personal Log 3.1.26

This has been a rather challenging few months for me: my elderly parents have been in & out of the hospital with various health issues & it's been hard on me taking care of them as they age. Some decisions have to be made...

My friend Nathan, who's a computer junkie & IT-kinda guy, put it well, "Eventually, hardware breaks down, it's inevitable. Software can be upgraded but hardware breaks down." That puts it in perspective. I always wondered about Adam & Eve at the end of their respective lives; the Bible doesn't record how long Eve lived but Adam lived over 900 years. Was he decrepit when he died? Infirmed? Withered? Shriveled? How did his descendants treat him in his final years/months/days?

I was very fortunate to grow up with some great-grandparents in my life & had all of my grandparents for 40+ years; some died quickly, others slowly. I've been thinking quite a bit lately about eternity, mortality & just the brevity of life, it really is a "vapor".

How did Jesus accomplish so much in so little time? 

Since Thanksgiving, I've been slowly revisiting my original worship songs, at last count there's 17 of them. I've been sitting on them for years, unsure of what to do with them. The last time I brought a couple out, I was ridiculed & criticized over them, "that's not very good... that's rather shallow... this part sounds like (insert current or well-known worship song)... it's alright but not for congregational worship..." etc, etc. Though I appreciated their honesty, it wasn't exactly the shot in the arm I needed to continue.

Even now, I'm very shy about promoting my own songs. I wrestle with that, we all wrestle with comparison syndrome, "I don't sing like so & so... I don't play like so & so... I don't write songs like so & so... I don't teach like so & so..." & that mindset can hold us back from growing & from going where God wants to take us.

There's the glory of the sun & the glory of the moon, the glory of birds & the glory of fish, the glory of fruits & the glory of vegetables... it's not right nor fair to compare anything with anything else, each was made by the hand of God & each is unique in its reflection of Him.

Each has a lifespan too; the lifespan of fruits & vegetables are short, they produce seeds & reproduce. Fish & birds procreate, live their lives & die. Even the sun & the moon have a shelf life... My parent's health has really made me realize that, in the eyes of eternity, we have a very, very short window here on earth. They have some regrets & also some things they'd still like to accomplish yet.

So, while they're both taking a short nap, I'm here at my pc pondering what direction to take music wise: am I to be crippled by criticism or fueled by faith?