Personal Log 11.17.20

 My aunt died over the weekend.

My elderly mom took it a little hard, she had just spoken to her sister a day or two before & suddenly, she was gone. Now, my mom's health is not the greatest, so I spent Sunday waiting on her & making sure she was okay. Death is a part of the life cycle & we should all be used to it by now but you what? We're never really used to it. It hurts.

Here one minute, gone the next. Sometimes the window of time we have on this earth slowly closes; other times it's slammed shut. Two of my grandparents died suddenly, the death of the other two were long & drawn out. 

No one knows how long we have or how long we have each other for, no one knows when you see someone or wave goodbye it's the last time you'll see them this side of eternity…

I've been thinking about Glen lately; he was a friend of my younger brother & one Saturday, around 20 years ago now, our worship team was going to minister at the township hall, so we all met for breakfast, then went to the church building, gathered the sound equipment, loaded it all up, hauled it over, set it up at the hall, hung out for the afternoon, did our sound checks & all that good stuff. Right before the event Glen had left & I noticed the empty microphone stand during the worship service. Well, near the end of the event we noticed a couple of policemen in the back & in the course of things, discovered that Glen had been killed in a car accident a few minutes after leaving the venue.

A window slammed shut.

I'm doing what I can while I can: recording, rewriting & rerecording songs & among the projects I'm wrapping up is my long awaited genealogy book on my family history, it's been 40 years in the making & there have been setbacks after setbacks but it's time to finish it before my own window closes, whenever that is. 

Some of my ancestors only lived to be in their 20's, just long enough to father someone & other ancestors lived to their upper 90's, some led full, productive lives & others I know nothing of, just that they lived, loved & died…

I don't care about fame, I don't care if my name is known; the only thing I truly care about is my relationship w/ Jesus & if I'm doing what He put me on this earth to do. The life of Jesus can be summed up in Him being about the Father's business; He was focused, He had limited time because He, unlike many of us, saw His own window & knew exactly when it would close.

One thing that troubles me: I don't know for certain where my aunt stood w/ the Lord. I can't say w/ 100% certainty that she was saved & had a relationship w/ Jesus. Perhaps she did & I didn't know about it. 

I do know this: her passing (& my cousin's passing a couple of months ago) has made me much more aware of my life & what I'm doing w/ it:

- Am I focused in my purpose?

- Am I serving where I supposed to be serving?

- Am I holding grudges or offenses?

- Am I truly loving people?

- Am I letting them know they are valued & appreciated?

- Am I leaving them encouraged in the Lord & in their own purpose?

- Am I about the Father's business or my own?

- Am I fulfilling the dreams of Jesus or pursuing my own?