Personal Log 3.30.22

It's been rough lately…

I'm grateful to still have my parents but they are growing old, that's a reality that everyone has to face. Growing up, I never thought that I would be the one to take care of my folks when they got older; I guess I always figured that it would be an equal job/responsibility w/ my brothers & their families = that we'd all be around to help but that hasn't been the case. I have a brother in North Carolina & naturally, he can't run over & do things, that's a major haul… another brother is in the area but works a minimum of 11 hour days, is a trustee for his fellowship & has a lot of plates spinning,  still another brother is 30 minutes away but is on call 24/7 at a senior center so that leaves... me. 

I'm not saying my folks need 24 care & watching but that's kinda what they need right now. I didn't mind coming over & mowing their lawn or snow blowing their driveway for them, that's just what a good son does, but now I'm temporarily rooming w/ them & I find they need a little more help then I realized. 

My mom has had her health issues: heart, blood pressure & now hip. My dad has his challenges: heart, blood pressure, hearing/balance, fatigue, etc. Sometimes I'm up w/ either of them for a few hours in the middle of the night… sometimes every other night… & I've not gotten a whole lot of sleep in the last month & also, not gotten a whole lot of things done that I would normally get done. I find myself making more meals for them & also doing their laundry, housework & all that good stuff. Sometimes I can't find my dad & when I do, he's got a ladder leaned up against the house wanting to check something out on the roof or the garage, so I catch him & go up there myself to check things out. One thing's for sure: I'm busier than I've ever been keeping track of them, reminding them to take their pills & stay hydrated, etc.

In addition to some recording projects, I'm trying to finish my genealogy book but one thing I noticed in the US Census over the last 160+ years is that in many families, my own included, the parents were the head of the house, then 10 – 20 years later a couple of the sons were heads of their own house close by, but at least one son married & became the head of the house, with his own family & the parents were living there, retired, being taken care of. When they passed, the children & grandchildren of the current household would grow up & take care of their parents, where the cycle was repeated. At least one son remained & took care of everything. That hit me. 

Like I said, I don't mind [taking care of my parents] but I'm doing it alone. I have no one to help me. It's not like I have a flesh & blood person I can talk to any hour of the day or night, I just don't. I talk to God but sometimes it's not the same & He knows that. I wouldn't mind some help. Now, I'm not talking marriage (that ship didn't sail it sunk in the harbor); I'm too old & set in my ways but sometimes, I just need help.

My brothers & I are going to have to have “that talk” sometime in the future about what to do & when to do it. I know it would kill my folks to be put into a home or senior center. I remember when my maternal grandpa died, he & my grandma lived on a farm in South Haven for 50 – 60 years, raised a bunch of kids & grandkids there but when he died in 2009 my grandma was all alone on that big property. Her children would take turns staying w/ her but it got to be too much & they all had “that talk” where it was decided she would be moved into a senior center in town. It worked out well as my mom's cousins were only a few minutes away & could check on her or take her grocery shopping. She had a heart attack in April 2015 & the doctors gave her 6 weeks to live, so her kids moved her back to the family farm where one of her daughters (a hospice worker) could take care of her & she could die in peace, which she did that May.

I say all that to say this: sometimes life is tough, sometimes we have to make short-term sacrifices & you feel like you're on the verge of running out of grace for a situation/time. That's not possible of course but at times you do feel like it, but when El Shaddai/The All-Sufficient One, says [in 2 Corinthians 12:9] that His grace is sufficient, then it must be. The Greek word for sufficient is arkeō = to be possessed of unfailing strength, to be enough. It comes from the root word airō = to elevate, to take upon one's self and carry what has been raised up, to bear.

His grace doesn't mean that I don't get overwhelmed at times, I do. His grace doesn't mean that I don't get a little discouraged at times, I do. His grace doesn't mean that I don't get tired at times, I do. His grace doesn't mean that I don't get lonely at times, I do. 

His grace is sufficient because He Himself is sufficient.